By Guest Writer

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn 

It takes will to venture into a relationship, when wounds of your past have created a fortress out of your heart. The will to know there could be some dark corners in it. More importantly, the will to ignore some of the things that you’ll find in the next person and press on, even if choices have consequences. 

You have fear. Past relationships haven’t worked. You never understood why you ended up in unloving, sometimes toxic, relationships that hammered the living daylight out of you. They had charmed their way into your heart, their words like peanut butter, so good to your mind they got stuck, leaving you savoring the flavor. 

It wouldn’t last. In the words of Tarrus Riley, they came with their sweet talk, they called you a sweetheart. But everyday they’d break another piece of your heart. You are left wondering whether they meant whatever they said. Now you know better. 

It’s not their word. It’s the thought that precedes it. Their thought. Words are the bullets, thoughts the trigger. What are they after? What do they want with you? What would set everything apart is wisdom, your wisdom; the wisdom to know whether you are just a pawn in the chess game, the wisdom to understand if what you have before you is the real deal. That’s what would make the next relationship a beauty, or not. 

Disappointments before should never pin you down, heartbreaks shouldn’t stop you from boarding that bus again. You are wiser. You know what you can now live with, you know what you can’t stomach. Muscles become stronger when ripped apart then rebuilt, that’s why you shouldn’t close yourself down. Rather, have that will to go into it again. 

You may still wonder whether someone is just flirting with you or serious, whether to hold back, to give a little, to give it all or to simply let go. You don’t want mind games. What happens if he doesn’t call, what do you do if she doesn’t respond? Is he just fascinated with the physical, does she seem not interested? How would you know? 

Sometimes you still have to move into it, in spite of the fears. Wisdom will dictate to you whether to chose the safe path or not, but the will to venture into it has to be there. Open up. You just never know. For in the midst of the waves, you’ll find one that moves you forward, as you surf into the realms of thrills and bliss. 

Don’t hold back. You are wiser, you have the desire. This could be it.