Weighting to Exhale, remember the article? I’ve talked about my journey towards weight loss before. I am a plus-size girl and have been since birth. You know those kids who are placed on the weighing scale during a regular clinic visit and there’s that, ‘…um’? You know, when the nurse starts giving nutritional advice to the poor young mother?
Nutritional advice, foods to eliminate from the diet. What foods, what diet? The baby is just five months old! The only thing she knows is milk, exclusively breastfed milk! Poor child. Yes, that was me.
The struggles of being on the bigger side are quite real. The pain, the agony, of desiring to be smaller due to lots of pressure all around (including internal), body shaming, struggling with movement, heavy breathing, health complications, and much, much more.
These struggles have made me often feel like donating some of my fat to my small friends who struggle to add weight – clearly, the struggle is real even across the divide, just imagine with me. And even with the latest technology around, fat transplant is still not possible, forget the cost.
2017, the year I hit the highest numbers on the scale. The mirror didn’t lie. I could tell that things were not fine. But I was afraid, too afraid to weigh myself. These are the times you just gather yourself and stare into you, being true to your being, “You can do this, it’s important to weigh yourself.” Why? I wasn’t happy. My knees ached, I struggled with them stairs. I just had to do it.
That was one of my worst years emotionally. And these emotions led to low self-esteem moments and unhappiness. Something needed to change. Whatever it was, it had to change. I needed to take steps towards my happiness for myself first, and then for my family’s sake. It was a pain, having a disgruntled woman in the house. Hubby, just look away.
Sam Muregz. This is my friend. Such an incredible dancer. I reached out to him for help, with dancing. I love dancing. He was willing to teach me some moves that would help me towards my fitness and weight loss. And he did. My son was one year old then, therefore my dance lessons happened in the comfort of my home. He, my son that is, loved watching his mother move up and down. Oh forget what was moving, he simply loved it.
In the last two years, I have lost 14kgs, an uphill task for me, mind you. I still have a long way to go to achieve my optimal weight. There have been fluctuations on the weight-o-meter, some good days and some really bad ones. Some times my workouts and meals have been on point, on other days…well…
Anzaya Akatsa and Mbithe Anzaya in their book Zindua say something that I found profound and motivational for me to take my health seriously. “We owe it to ourselves, to our loved ones, and to God, to work on having the best health possible. If you don’t take care of your health, you diminish the quality of your life in later years. You burden your spouse and children prematurely and perhaps excessively.”
I do not want to become a burden to my family.
One of my delights during this quarantine season has been working out with my children. My husband is something else. We are too slow for him, he is fit. There’s no need to take a jog with Paul Tergat, no need to pick a fight with Mike Tyson. Like seriously, there’s simply no need. Let my husband do his big stuff.
I desire, nay, I am determined to not put on weight during this pandemic period. I am intent on not complicating my life further. I have seen all the jokes trending on weight increases, ‘the refrigerators and food shelves have become too easy to access.’ This is a serious matter for me, what with my daughter indulging in culinary skills and making sumptuous meals that would, ultimately, find their ways straight to my hips?
That said, I have enjoyed, and I am enjoying, my journey this far. It may come with a lot of sacrifices. Heck, there is more to this journey.
Recently, I read something in my devotion by Lysa Terkeurst; ‘Being overweight is an outside indication that internal changes are needed for my body to function properly and for me to feel well.’
See, it’s so easy for those with weight issues to turn to foods or not care much about looking after their bodies, due to the problems they could be facing. Perfect excuse. And this becomes a defense mechanism towards protecting themselves. I had to admit this is a problem, and changes seriously needed to occur.
This study has also shown me that I may choose to quit the health struggle and pretend that it doesn’t matter spiritually. But it does, and it affects my mindset. And that is crucial for me to win this weight battle. Whenever I am tempted to backslide due to the issues I am facing, I ought to remind myself that I was made for more. And I was surely made for more.
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
Weight matters are quite sensitive, and I am passionate about body shaming not happening. I have two rules for those who love making fun of big people:
One. Never make bad jokes about a fat person. You may call them that; fat, chunky, obese, full, plus size, whichever name you choose. Unless you know them and they really know you, and you have them in your heart, those jokes will be insults. Don’t hurl at them. They hurt.
Two. Only a fat person can make fun of another fat person. I have two close friends of mine who are big. You should hear each of them calling the other fat. You should see their photos, but privacy rules dictate.
These two, they crack me up. Like me, their weight has been on the upward trajectory, but for them it could be a sign of wealth, you know. They do make efforts to lose weight, even though, I think (ha!) their weight moves faster than their efforts. I can say that because I have my own weight struggles as well, and they know. We have similar struggles, and we can also call each other out. It’s part of life.
If you have not struggled with weight matters, be grateful. But if you have, it’s not the end of the road, not all grass is greener on the other side, remind yourself. You are beautifully and wonderfully made, no matter what anyone says or jokes about that.
To my accountability partners, you have been incredible. Thank you for walking this journey with me. Perhaps another 14kgs post-pandemic? No? Too soon? I still look good?
“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.” 3 John 1:2
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