I would like to dedicate this article to you, you who has tried to do your best to make your marriage work but either, it is not working, or you have already gone separate ways with your spouse.
I recently wrote on the issue of being part of a group that you can walk with in your marriage journey in my article Never Walk Alone. After much reflection and feedback from readers, I thought it was only fit to address those who have had to go through a tough time and/or have had to part ways with their spouses.
Relationships are work. They do need hard work. Both parties need to give one hundred percent. But as is life, some relationships work out, while others don’t. And this could be as a result of a number of reasons. Infidelity (physical, financial, emotional), lack of interest in each other, lack of communication, pursuit of one’s goals that do not align with the couple’s, change in a person’s character, to name but a few.
People change. That is a fact. And as you grow older, there are things that you are no longer interested in, either because it takes too much effort to handle or changes in your priorities. Sadly, some people change completely and become so different a person from the one you fell in love with and eventually got married to that it becomes impossible to deal with them.
The rate of separation and divorce among couples is quite worrying. The statistics border on the frustrating. There are different views on the matter. Some believe this is nothing new. It used to happen in the past only that people never talked much about it. Others state that the level of tolerance among this generation has diminished and therefore, people move on easily and faster. Whatever the reasons, we need to reach out to a group that feels isolated by the society owing to the fact that divorcees (and ‘separatees’) are frowned upon.
I empathize with all the people that have tried everything in their power to keep their relationships going, and yet their best efforts did not yield anything. It’s not easy. It’s painful. It creates a void in one’s life. There’s torment. It can affect one’s mental and psychological state. Separation also affects loved ones, children and extended family. I honestly empathize.
You feel sad, frustrated, angry and confused. You feel exhausted and crushed. You just don’t know what else to do. You tried your best but had to walk away. You gave it all. You tried addressing the issues in your marriage and it just didn’t work. And to the best of your ability. You’ve prayed. You’ve hoped. And you now need joy and peace in your life.
Do not walk alone.
No marriage is perfect. We can all agree on that. They all have issues, issues differing from one couple to another. Some have tried to work things out, others have sought to stay in their relationships, despite difficult circumstances, and have always hoped for a chance. Others have gone the extra mile and sought help to enable them address their issues. But in the end, no positive response has been forthcoming. The spouse is no longer interested in staying in the relationship and wishes to be set free. It is hard to understand why. Why would he leave? Why would she let go? The change in your spouse is evident. What could have gone wrong? What happened that can’t be fixed?
I have a couple of friends who are currently disillusioned, wondering what is going on in their lives. Some have turned to alcohol to cure their pain, but they know deep down that the alcohol is not a solution. It’s not the answer.
Do not walk alone.
The Word of God truly encourages us in every area and season of our lives. Please turn to the Pages of Life.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you” (Isaiah 26:3). In the midst of the storm, He gives perfect peace. Trust Him.
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). He shall supply all your needs, including the heavy financial burdens that arise.
“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life” (Psalm 119:50). God is our Comforter and His comfort will see you through when loneliness creeps in.
I have heard that there are churches that have seen the need to reach out to people who are separated or divorced with the aim of walking with them as they seek healing and finding their way forward. I applaud them. I hope more churches will see the need to reach out to these ones who are wounded as a result of separation and divorce. Inclusion. Non-judgmental. Restoration, where possible. Psychological support. Prayers. Financial support. Presence. This could be all what people need.
To us who know someone or two going or has gone through difficulties in marriage, stand with them. Pray for them. To those in pursuit of happiness in marriage, learn from others what they’ve gone through. Work hard at making your marriages last. If there are issues, seek help. If your life or that of your children is threatened however, you may need to seek separation as life is important. Seek professional guidance.
And to you, who has gone through it all, we stand with you. I stand with you. And remember, you are still not alone. You have God. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. May you find joy and peace in Him.
Let’s Get Talking.