“When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.” – Author Unknown
We have all experienced this before, a feeling of great sadness, feeling of disappointment. A feeling that seems like it will never end at the time of a heartbreak. In the words of Kenneth-Babyface-Edmonds, like a jigsaw puzzle your heart feels like it’s been torn all apart.
Some people cope well with heartbreaks, but probably just on the face of it, by going to the gym, doing a sport or going out dancing. A good number of us, however, don’t know how to deal with heartbreaks. We cry ourselves to sleep, thinking about vengeance, turning to comfort foods, getting into rebound relationships, or even turn to substances that eh, alter reality, if only for a few hours. (By the way, it is during the period of altered reality that one makes those dreaded, stupid calls to the ex!) Some coping mechanisms can impact one extremely, the heartbroken person suffering mental breakdown, attempted suicide or carries out criminal activities like stalking or even murder.
My first heartbreak, I was 19 years old. It wasn’t that bad. I used to enjoy crossword puzzles in the newspapers but had never gotten to complete even one. When I had my heart crushed for the first time, all the juices came out and I was able to complete a complex crossword in the wee hours of the morning. It is laughable.
Not all heartbreaks are like this, even for a couple of mine that were very hard to bear. They can be and usually are so painful. Why? A heartbreak is a personal loss. You suffer the loss of a potential; a potential husband, wife, mother, father, someone to share your life with. Many dreams are crashed as a result of this loss. And the world can be turned upside down.
During such hard times, you listen to certain songs to calm your nerves. Let me give you my experience of how I dealt with heartbreaks back in time. After a break-up, I’d be in DENIAL, singing along to Toni Braxton’s Un-break My Heart. Soon you realize that the one you’re singing for is not listening to you and you wonder what to do with yourself. You would like to BARGAIN with your ex to win them back and you sing to Whitney Houston’s Where Do Broken Hearts Go. But then, you quickly realize that there’s no turning back, but you are still in pain. You then get to ACCEPT and move on, with Brian McKnight’s One Last Cry going through your mind.
And even after singing such songs, the person who broke your heart appears to have moved on swiftly. You get angry and if not careful, the anger can be manifested to those around you, your ex or God.
Many times, we do not realize that we are depressed as a result of the pain and suffering that we are going through. Depression is real. It affects how we interact with others and how we spend our time and resources. If not managed well, its effects can be disastrous. I think we seriously underestimate the effects of the pain, if it results in depression. Depression is a mental illness. It is important that one is cognizant of his or her mental health and assess if there are symptoms that one may be experiencing that indicate signs of depression. Feeling hopeless, loss of appetite, lack of interest in things that made you happy, lack of sleep, feeling worthless or any other sign. Get help.
Time heals! Isn’t what you want to hear when you are engulfed in sadness. Who wants to hear that amid the pain? It is true it does heal but our ears are not ready to hear that at that point. Yet those two words are quite important, not to be ignored. What we do in the meantime matters. There are many remedies offered out there. Besides surrounding yourself with people who can support you, the remedy I would like to recommend to anyone hurting out there is this; God’s love.
One thing I know is that God cares about broken hearts. He sees our pain and He wants to heal it. It is hard at times to see His hand at work during the turmoil. But He is at work. Your heart may be broken before getting into a relationship or marriage or even in marriage. Irrespective of what happened, a broken heart hurts. But God cares. What does the Bible say?
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34.18
Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. I Peter 5.7
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27
I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11
I hope and pray that focus shall be on God the Healer during such hard times. We fail many times when we decide to take matters into our own hands. Work with God.
This article is inspired by a young lady BJ that I am walking with. She recently went through a breakup. But she inspired me by how she turned to God for strength. She is on her way to recovery. Wishing BJ all the best.
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.” –Helen Keller