In the recent weeks, our country has been fed with on-goings of a murder case, that of a deceased young woman. The investigations of the case, of which I will not talk much about, are still in progress, with the suspects being an engaged couple that are known in the society.
With the intriguing events of the proceedings unveiling, what has stood out for me is the body language of the said couple. It’s not in my place to judge the state of their relationship, for I knoweth them not personally. However, if it’s true that this couple is betrothed, then this boat has been rocked and it is only a matter of time before it capsizes.
Based on the images circulating in the media, one can see the family members of the accused standing with them indescribably, holding on to the belief that their children are not capable of such a heinous crime of which they’ve been accused of. But there’s something else, a question, or two, that lingered.
How much do you know about the person you are dating or are married to? Is the time spent together with the better half, though adequate for engagement, enough to know someone?
When it comes to matters concerning the heart, women are generally vulnerable. We (not the ones who seemingly only care about materialism, and will go whatever lengths to get what they want) tend to make decisions using our hearts instead of our heads. Whatever a man does to, or for, us tends to equate to how much he loves us. And it can really affect us in the future. For such decisions should be made using both the heart and the head.
You see, human beings change, and it seems that you never fully get to know the one you’re with. However, there are core aspects of a human being that do not change or may not change much. For instance, character. Whom you choose matters. Whom you choose to be with for the rest of your life surely matters more. You may never fully get to know your man, your woman, but the least you can do is perform ‘due diligence’ on this person. Do your homework. Don’t be blindsided by looks or the desire to get hooked up or married, or what the person can offer materially.
During our pre-marital classes a couple of years back, one of my good friends, Sammy, told us that he’d be happy if a couple in the class called off their engagement, if they had seen red flags in the course of courtship. Many of us thought he had no idea how much in love we were. But he had a point, and a big one for that matter.
My friend Rosa recently posted on her Facebook page, ‘You can love a man, share your life, money, home, and body with him, but not really know him. You find out eventually that he is a murderer, a gambler, a con man… did you miss the signs? What does it say about your discretion and ability to judge character? If you see a red flag, investigate it! This is not the time for love to cover a multitude of wrongs. Don’t be naive. You future depends on that double take.’
When you get into marriage, you appreciate just how important it is to get to know your partner. Each of us always drops a hint of who we truly are. But the signs usually get ignored, many times willingly. We make excuses for the other person. We think they will change. We avoid some of our friends because we know that they will tell us the truth. And yet, someone always sees it.
I think a good number of us get carried away by the idea of getting married that we tend to forget to read these signs. We exchange vows, and the emotions of the day are on a high. But do you ever get to understand what these vows really mean? Sooner or later, you start noticing stuff that you did not imagine existed, and where it gets bad, you convince yourself that it is not too bad.
The truth is you dread the reality you are living in. Did I miss something? Why didn’t I follow my gut? Why didn’t I listen?
If you are not married and you find yourself in a situation where you have doubt, please think carefully about the decision you are going to make. Talk to someone. Take time to know the other person. TAKE TIME to carry out due diligence.
If you are already married and realize that there are signs that you ignored that should not have been ignored in the first place, seek your Maker before Whom you made your vows. Walk with someone. Seek professional help where possible.
Love does makes us do foolish things, they say. You give yourself away and at times blindly. The good thing is, God is always waiting for you to give yourself away to Him. And even though some damage may have already occurred, He can give you wisdom to see certain things unfolding before commitments are made that have a lifetime impact.
Proverbs 3:5-6 states, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
Forever Yours? It’s time for soul searching and due diligence.
In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
He is on the path of life who heeds instruction, but he who forsakes reproof goes astray. Proverbs 10.17