Munene Gangi

Just as a shark detects one drop of blood in a gazillion of water, so are we quick to spot moments of telling weaknesses in men. Moments that leave us decrying the lack of good men around, moments that have made ladies think they are lost in a forest and cannot find a single tree.

If he’s not out there chasing sexy, skimpily dressed Delilahs, his cash is busy finding a different use. One that has to do with vast amounts spent on internet bundles and data connections for pornography sake. If infidelity won’t become his blanket for the night, strip clubs and brothels become his second abode. If he’s not having needles stuck in his arms, alcohol will be frying his liver, as toxic drinks become his modus operandi to forgetting his pain and loss of purpose.

Picture him going home in the wee hours of the night, having sought solace in a drink so lethal it requires a Geneva convention. It blinds him, it greatly reduces his libido, only for him to be battered senseless by his wife, his face bearing the brunt of the weapon wielded against him. Or just look at the male-dominated domestic violence in our neighborhoods, look at the prisons and morgues and note the number of men therein.

He’s haunted.

He lacks a role model to shape his character. As women have been taught since young age about being wives or mothers, many men have been left to learn fatherhood on their own. Wonder no more why he’s shirking family responsibilities – as evidenced by the increasing number of children born fatherless, single mothers, and rising cases of separation and divorce. He’s buckling under the pressure of being the head of the family, bolting like Usain from those he once vowed to protect and serve.

It’s no longer the preserve of the man to provide, women empowerment teaches us. Look at the girl child. I mean, seriously, look at her. She’s doing the same, remarkably well. She has no need for a man, some have advised her. Her children do not need a father, she’s well equipped to play both roles, or so some think. What about the boy child?

He’s growing up a haunted man.

His wisdom is flying out the window leaving its clothes behind. Consumerism is teaching a man that material success is paramount to having self-worth and respect, and a woman by his side. But there are no jobs, if current unemployment rates are anything to go by. He’ll do anything for material sake, even if it means using his wife’s hard earned income in making unnecessary purchases. Anything to gain that short-lived high that comes from having control. So what if the Wife raises a little hell. Complaints be damned!

She lives with a haunted man.

Purpose is so critical to a man that the lack of one makes him totally hopeless. It’s getting trickier charting a course through the chaos of masculinity. He’s weighed down by despair, his indulgence in the wrong things making him prone to destruction. He will do anything just to keep his mind sober, holding on to what gives him a sense of belonging. Anything. Even if, as the Good Book says, he keeps the bad company that will corrupt his good morals.

He has already become a haunted man.

I know, there are good men out there. Men who haven’t lost it, men who will not make their women cry, but will hold them in their reassuring arms. I know there are good men out there, men who know their responsibilities, show leadership, are assertive not aggressive, intervene when things go wrong, and take charge, making decisions that are of mutual benefit to their families.

But is there something that is creeping into the realms of masculinity and causing a crisis? Is there something that is slowly shattering the pillars of manhood, something that is making men come apart at the seams?

Ladies, good men are out there, but may be harder to find. For a good man is becoming a haunted man.